My Ideal Retirement

I was thinking about my retirement, as all college kids reaching the last year-and-a-half of their college careers, wondering what I would do at whatever point when I would no longer have to work, if I'd have so much money that I don't even have to worry about it. Not worry as in I could buy Rhode Island with only my mad money kind of rich.

So I figured I would buy 15 square miles somewhere, and dedicate about 4 of those for my living space. The mansion with indoor and outdoor basketball, tennis, swimming pools and other things that I'd never use would take up a nice part of it, as well as an airstrip. The REAL piece of work though would be the entertainment room, which is essentially an IMAX theater (or theatre, if I'm feeling Endlandy) but with nice comfortable recliners and couches. Without going into much more detail, there would be so many electronics that my remote control would need a remote control. Fancy.

For the rest of the 11 miles, it would be reserved land that I could change into anything. Lets say that I want a nice dune buggy race. Blam, its done: Sand dunes, water hazards for some reason, crazy jumps, and all racing participants get a paintball gun, all confined within a nice part of the area. Then maybe I want a field of corn to reenact the beginning of Planet of the Apes (the first one), complete with very ugly and hairy men to play the apes. Some people plant some corn, and swish, it's done. Maybe I want a big statue of a Tetris block that could double as an apartment complex. Done. Don't forget about the huge, wide road that encircles the whole property, complete with a garage full of any car that can go at least 185 MPH. Over the colder months, I'd have a fleet of snowmaker machines that cover the land for awesome snowmobile rides, each also outfitted with paintball guns.

Because I'd feel a little lonely, I'd pitch in to all of my friends, give them a wing of the mansion or maybe their own house on the ranch, and give them enough money for them to retire too, so I wouldn't have to wait for the weekends to enjoy the place with company. A free ride.

If I run out of ideas, I guess I could consult that Billy Madison movie for fortune squandering activities. It'll be great.

You might laugh, but that's my dream, and you shouldn't make fun of somebody's dreams. Will it happen? No, but boy, that sure sounds fun, for at least a year or two, anyway. My wife would probably girly the place up with doilies, but that would have happened if I had 10 trillion dollars (after taxes) or not.