What I think about

I once knew a man by the name of Bob. I kept saying his name backwards just to annoy him.

Don't you hate it when people pile different topics into one sentence, and when they eat cheetos and talk to you three inches from your face?

If you don't know what to do for your Valentines Day date, here's a great tip: McDonald's.

I hate it when people complain.

If you are looking to save time in the mornings, feeding a cow 40 lbs. of coffee will last you for weeks. It's already warm, and there is plenty of cream.

In Mexico, is Pepsi called Pepyes?

I was walking in town the other day, and a crazy man told me to watch for the next coming. He got hit by a train.

My psychiatrist said I have multiple personalities, but unfortunately they are all deaf mutes.

One of my friends said I was blind as a bat. I didn't take it seriously until I was hit by a baseball.

Speaking of friends, I have a buddy that has no arm. It is really hard for him to find his brand of soap, "Lever 1750"

Two electrons were talking to each other.
"What are you eating?" One asked.
"A photon," the other said. "I'm on a diet, I'm trying to eat light."

A QWERTY keyboard walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender takes one look and says "Sorry, we don't serve your type here."

Do you know how Intel makes computer chips?
They use computators.

I was going to marry a daughter of a multimillionaire landfill tycoon, but I don't think I could handle being filthy rich.

If two midgets start a riot, would it be known as a Little Deuce Coo?

I've noticed a disturbing trend in earthquake activity.