melt it off allergy

I was rummaging around my Gmail's spam box, checking to see if it had filtered some important non-spam into the box (it didn't), when an odd subject line caught my eye:

melt it off allergy

This isn't funny in-and-of itself, you need to hear it as my brain was reading it off to me:

Say it commandingly, matter-of-factly, and with energy, like an infomercial salesperson would say it, and as if the message was addressed to a man named Allergy: "Melt it off, Allergy!"

My interest piqued, I open the message:

want skinny? lymphoma

...What?! I pondered this for a moment.
Let me get this straight: Instead of selling me pills, their mode of weight loss is disease? They never even told me anything was for sale, so I thought it was just friendly advice.

Nope. It turns out the hyperlink that (was) contained in these next lines points me to the store:

A
whats new with you boyfriend

Of course! It was so obvious! What really hurts, though, is that the store wasn't peddling lymphoma, as the email led me to believe, but rather Meta Gen, a pill that has nothing to do with disease. Probably.

Finally, the email concludes with a rather deep philosophical message:

Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be

Mmm... how true. It's as true today as when it was written.

By the way, I did look up lymphoma. I looked at a certain, non-cancerous* version known as Hodgkin's Disease, which can, in fact, have the symptom of weight loss, and can also include low-grade fever, night sweats, itchy skin, or fatigue. From what I'm reading, it's among the better of diseases to have, if one is in the need for shedding those extra pounds, without worring about proper diet or exercise. Hey, it even gives the user an excuse to not exercise; he's fatigued!

Update!
* Correction: I misread the line. It turns out that Hodgkin's Disease IS cancerous. Whoops. Totally wrong on my part. Taking this new fact into account, I've decided to retract my statement that you should get Hodgkin's Disease, for weight loss at least.